Most people may think of therapy as a method of changing negative thoughts and behavior into positive action to meet a patient’s goals. EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) is unique in that it focuses on changing emotional responses in a way to improve relationships. Although EFT can be used on individuals, it was specifically developed for couples to strengthen their emotional bond.
EFT helps identify each partner’s mood triggers relating to an unmet attachment need. What does this mean? Perhaps one partner had an unavailable parent and was never sure when their parent would reappear for them. They then developed feelings of insecurity when the parent was no longer present, which rolled over into their romantic relationships later in life. EFT seeks to identify each partner’s attachment needs and fulfill them in a healthy way. The goal is to replace the couple’s negative cycle with a positive one after reaching an understanding of why the negativity was happening in the first place.
No other couples therapy has as much research supporting its effectiveness. According to the research exhibited in the bestselling book Love Sense by Dr. Sue Johnson (the primary developer of EFT), 90% of couples who go through EFT significantly improve their relationship and 70-75% no longer fit the criteria for relationship distress. In the book, Dr. Johnson explains that EFT focuses on romantic love as an attachment bond. In comparison, other couples therapy methods have closer to a 50% success rate.
EFT breaks repetitive patterns and gives couples the ability to develop a long-lasting relationship in an orderly way. Patterns of negative behavior may lead to feeling unwanted, hurt, misunderstood, ignored, and lonely. These feelings form because of a perceived threat we feel to that attachment bond with our partner.
Couples sessions using EFT focus on how to relate to each other in a deeper, non-reactionary way. Once these vulnerable feelings are identified, the therapy seeks to resolve the true issues behind these emotional responses. This technique can help couples struggling with distress, communication issues and conflict. EFT can also be used to help couples who might be facing difficulties due to infidelity or other traumatic events. The goal is not just better communication and trust, but a more fulfilling and secure attachment bond.
EFT has a defined system that focuses on 9 steps through 3 stages:
- Assess and De-escalate: Identify the conflict, negative cycles, and attachment emotions.
- Restructuring the Couple’s Bond: Get in touch with each partner’s needs, accept their needs, and assist each partner in clearly expressing themself.
- Consolidation: Help create new solutions and reinforce new patterns of behaving.
During EFT your therapist will observe the couple’s dynamics, tying that behavior to the dynamics outside of session and help the couple with new interactions based on more honest feelings. The therapist may encourage the couple to look at any emotional issues and feelings that the clients might be aware of or unaware. The hope is the clients will learn to express these emotions in a constructive way that helps them connect with their partner. During EFT you will also learn to listen and stay more aware of each other’s emotions and how to productively respond.
So, what are the benefits? EFT has several benefits including…
- Learning Effective Communication Tools
- Creating a Stronger Relationship
- Understanding Emotional Needs Better
Do you think EFT might be the right path for you and your spouse or partner? I encourage you to reach out and let’s chat about if EFT is right for you. I want you to feel comfortable with me which is why I offer a FREE 15-minute consultation for any new client.
