It’s the most wonderful time of the year… for BOUNDARIES!

With the holiday season just around the corner, many of us start to experience excitement and joy in anticipation of the celebrations with family and friends to come. However, for many of us, that same level of excitement can be simultaneously coupled with anxiety and dread as we await those problematic family members and questionable frenemies that often seem to want to make an annual appearance in the midst of our fun. In order to properly prepare for all the love (and sometimes dread and disdain) for the relational interactions to come, it’s important to check in with yourself and define your boundaries.

According to Psychology Today, having boundaries means honoring ourselves as a separate individual with needs and wants that often differentiate from others. During this time of year, it’s easy to get caught up in the desire to want to please others, but if you give all of your time, energy, and money to those surrounding you – you’ll have nothing left for yourself, which ultimately leads to burn out.

In order to avoid ultimate burnout during “the most wonderful time of the year”, here are some tangible tips to help you recognize, keep sight of, and stick to your boundaries:

·        Be stingy with your “Yes-es”.

Do you feel the pressure of baking a 5 course meal, complete with fancy cocktails, wine, and family tradition? Is your pushy mother-in-law demanding a recent family photo shoot with coordinated outfits from your screaming toddler be featured in a holiday card printed and mailed to 50 of her closest acquaintances? Before doing something over the holidays, stop and ask yourself: “Am I doing this because it truly brings me joy? Or am I doing this to live up to an impossible image of perfection I have in my head?”

·        Don’t let guilt drive your decisions.

We’ve all been there. You go home for the holidays, and there’s an endless list of texts and demanding calls wanting to see you and/or your family while you’re in town. Sometimes it’s just impossible to be in 3 places at once or you just – simply put – don’t want to visit with your sister and her moods wings. Situations like this almost feel impossible to avoid during the holiday season, so it’s important to decide what YOU want to do and honor those decisions. It may force some uncomfortable conversations and (temporarily) angry family members. However, if the people in your life are healthy relationships, they will get over it and recognize that you are practicing boundaries that keep you at your healthiest.

·        Plan and stick to a budget (because financial boundaries matter too!).

It’s so easy for the holiday season to turn into a major financial drain. Make sure you create and stick to a budget that works for you going into the holiday season. There are many ways around buying countless expensive gifts for everyone in your life. Propose a Secret Santa gift exchange amongst family members. Put a price cap on maximum amounts spent on said gifts. Ditch the gifts this year, and get your friends and family together to volunteer somewhere you all find near and dear to your hearts. There are many ways around this, so don’t let yourself get in a mess just in an effort to live up to a standard that is financially irresponsible for you.

Without healthy boundaries, we allow people to make decisions for us, and these decisions may not be what’s best for us -nor what we want. Get started now with planning and practicing your boundaries for the upcoming holiday season, and stick with them even as the New Year rolls around! And if you need extra support, reach out to schedule a FREE 15-minute consultation with me to start working on your own boundaries and mental health!